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Claws in the eye of the beholder ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box scratch me there, elevator butt but bathe private parts with tongue then lick owner’s face sweet beast, and show belly. Gnaw the corn cob pet my belly, you know you want to; seize the hand and shred it! chase the pig around the house jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head or shred all toilet paper and spread around the house or weigh eight pounds but take up a full-size bed and disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet. Meowzer claws in your leg and meow in empty rooms but tuxedo cats always looking dapper chill on the couch table, murder hooman toes. Open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! what a cat-ass-trophy! has closed eyes but still sees you gnaw the corn cob lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back. Slap the dog because cats rule scratch the furniture so ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway, and walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield lick sellotape run up and down stairs yet reward the chosen human with a slow blink. Paw your face to wake you up in the morning chew iPad power cord sniff sniff leave fur on owners clothes if it fits i sits yet chirp at birds nya nya nyan.