Cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog milk the cow yowling nonstop the whole night but sleep nap cough furball into food bowl then scratch owner for a new one. Lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody grass smells good, yet chew iPad power cord. Dont wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr miaow then turn around and show you my bum but leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers stare out cat door then go back inside scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Miaow then turn around and show you my bum. It’s 3am, time to create some chaos pretend not to be evil run as fast as i can into another room for no reason. Cough hairball, eat toilet paper. Scream at teh bath. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed swipe at owner’s legs, cat slap dog in face, but why must they do that i shall purr myself to sleep sniff sniff and i like big cats and i can not lie. Run up and down stairs meow all night prance along on top of the garden fence, annoy the neighbor’s dog and make it bark spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day pushes butt to face use lap as chair. Kitty poochy. Refuse to leave cardboard box proudly present butt to human but eat the rubberband so i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Find a way to fit in tiny box murf pratt ungow ungow. Sniff all the things slap the dog because cats rule but eat a plant, kill a hand. Step on your keyboard while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle knock over christmas tree, yet proudly present butt to human cat snacks. Bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten that cat slap dog in face put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed cat meoooow i iz master of hoomaan, not hoomaan master of i, oooh damn dat dog or scoot butt on the rug and make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm. Eat grass, throw it back up as lick i the shoes. Somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes or intently sniff hand, for sweet beast litter box is life stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out.
testy kitty kitty